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Health of Your Relationship after Valentine’s Day
by Youmasu J. Siewe, Ph.D, MPH.
Millions of young and older lovers sent or
received Valentine’s Day gifts, cards, candies, flowers, or had special
lunches and dinners to express affection for that special someone on
February 14, 2003. Unfortunately millions of these rekindled or just
started relationships begin to fail right after the celebration. Many
also return to their boring state after the momentary spark of reading
the cards, receiving the gifts, eating the candies, special dinners and
gaining the extra pounds, and of course, hating the credit card bills.
Here is what Health and Family Scientist have to
say about sustaining your relationship with that special someone beyond
February 14. Note: Individuals who have successful relationship are
healthier, happier, and more productive at work, live longer, and
contribute more to their communities than their counterparts who don’t
have happy relationships. Successful partners don't take each other for
granted but work constantly at nurturing their good feelings for each
other. They put as much thought and energy into their relationship as
they put into families or career. They also renew and enrich their
relationship again and again knowing that trust and commitment are
important ingredients for a growing relationship.
Here are strategies to nurture and sustain your
relationship beyond Valentine’s Day.
- Be affectionate -you can show affection in small
ways through quiet acts of tenderness, touching or holding hands, or a
gentle pat on the shoulder.
- Have tolerance - At the beginning of romantic
relationships, habits may seem unimportant or overlooked, but over the
long term, his nightly snoring or excessive drinking, her spending
habits or whining can become irritating. Successful partners realize
that some problems are unsolvable, learn to work around them and accept
imperfection as a normal part of healthy relationships.
- Show Interest - interest can be signaled by
genuinely listening and being involved in a conversation; responses such
as "uh- huhs," nods, and direct eye contact are key indicators of
genuine listening.
- Show that you care - small acts of thoughtfulness
boosts the warmth in a relationship. Run an errand, prepare a favorite
meal, make the bed, do the laundry, go out together for a walk, or do
something special out of the ordinary for that special someone.
- Be appreciative - positive energy can be added
into a relationship simply by appreciating it. Let your special someone
know that he or she has done something that pleases you. Acknowledgment
helps individuals feel loved and confident enough to share further
expressions of love.
- Show your concern and be empathic - whenever your
special someone tells you that something distresses or troubles them,
express your concern and be supportive. Having empathy requires putting
yourself in your partner’s shoes and relating to his or her emotional
state.
- Be accepting - instead of attacking or ignoring
his/her point of view, try to understand the problem from the other’s
perspective. See if the other viewpoint may have some important points.
Summarizing your partner’s point of view during an argument is another
form of acceptance, even if you still disagree.
- Fight fair- fights or arguments are parts of
healthy relationships. During a healthy argument, each partner explains
why he or she is angry while the other listens with respect. Loss of
control yelling, cursing, and sobbing seldom helps solve relationship
problems.
Successful partners tend to focus on the strengths
of their relationship and not their weaknesses. They assume
responsibilities for the growth of their relationship, communicate
respectfully, constantly nurture, and sincerely trust each other. For Questions, call (405) 744 6825.
For online access to
Extension/Community Health Column, please check “articles” on the web at:
http://www.fcs.okstate.edu/health/. |