Health of Your Relationship after Valentine’s Day

by Youmasu J. Siewe, Ph.D, MPH.

Millions of young and older lovers sent or received Valentine’s Day gifts, cards, candies, flowers, or had special lunches and dinners to express affection for that special someone on February 14, 2005.  Unfortunately millions of these rekindled or new relationships begin to fail right after the celebration.  Many also return to their boring state after the momentary spark of reading the cards, receiving the gifts, eating the candies, special dinners, gaining the extra pounds, and of course, hating the credit card bills.

Here is what Health and Family Scientist have to say about the health of your relationship with that special someone beyond February 14. Note: Individuals who have successful relationship are healthier, happier, and more productive at work, live longer, and contribute more to their communities than their counterparts who don’t have happy relationships. Successful partners don't take each other for granted but work constantly at nurturing their good feelings for each other. They put as much thought and energy into their relationship as they put into families or career. They also enrich their relationship again and again knowing that trust and commitment are important ingredients for a healthy relationship. 

Here are strategies to nurture and sustain your relationship beyond Valentine’s Day. (1) Be affectionate -you can show affection in small ways through quiet acts of tenderness, touching or holding hands, or a gentle pat on the shoulder. (2) Have tolerance - At the beginning of romantic relationships, habits may seem unimportant or overlooked, but over the long term, his nightly snoring or excessive drinking, her spending habits or whining can become irritating.  Successful partners realize that some problems are unsolvable, learn to work around them and accept imperfection as a normal part of healthy relationships.  (3)  Show Interest - interest can be signaled by genuinely listening and being involved in a conversation; responses such as "uh- huhs," nods, and direct eye contact are key indicators of genuine listening. (4) Show that you care - small acts of thoughtfulness boosts the warmth in a relationship. Run an errand, prepare a favorite meal, make the bed, do the laundry, go out together for a walk, or do something special out of the ordinary for that special someone.  

(5)  Be appreciative - positive energy can be added into a relationship simply by appreciating it. Let your special someone know that he or she has done something that pleases you. Acknowledgment helps individuals feel loved and confident enough to share further expressions of love.  (6)  Show your concern and be empathic - whenever your special someone tells you that something distresses or troubles them, express your concern and be supportive. Having empathy requires putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and relating to his or her emotional state. (7) Be accepting - instead of attacking or ignoring his/her point of view, try to understand the problem from the other’s perspective. See if the other viewpoint may have some important points. Summarizing your partner’s point of view during an argument is another form of acceptance, even if you still disagree. (8) Fight fair- fights or arguments are parts of healthy relationships. During a healthy argument, each partner explains why he or she is angry while the other listens with respect. Loss of control yelling, cursing, and sobbing seldom helps solve relationship problems.

Successful partners tend to focus on the strengths of their relationship and not their weaknesses. They assume responsibilities for the growth of their relationship by respectfully communicating, constantly nurturing, sincerely trusting, and lovingly empowering each other.

Youmasu J. Siewe, Ph.D., MPH, is State Specialist for Public Health Education/Family Development, Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service at OSU in Stillwater. For Questions, call (405) 744 6825. For online access to Extension/Community Health Column, please check “articles” on the web at: http://www.fcs.okstate.edu/health/