Your Emotional State of Health: Who is Driving You Crazy?

by Youmasu J. Siewe, Ph.D, MPH.

The following article was published in the Stillwater News Press on October 10, 2001.

If your kids, friends, co-workers, spouse, boss, or other situations are “driving you crazy”, and disturbing your emotional state of health, this article could be of interest to you. The article highlights what it means to be “driven crazy” and how to effectively respond. Your emotional component of your health is just as important as the physical, social, intellectual, and spiritual components, since an alteration or problem with one component often affects the other component(s). When people talk of being driven crazy, they are referring to people and situation that make them tense, worry, anxious, and thus sets off their “emotional alarm”. Individuals rarely associate “being driven crazy” with being psychotic or having a major emotional illness. The reality is that anyone or situation that drives you crazy, could be disturbing your emotional state of health just as a virus, bacteria or other pathogen disturbs your physical state of health, by causing common colds, pneumonia, and other more serious health problems.

The process of being driven crazy:

People drive us crazy by stepping on our “sore spot” egos, or when our comfort level is threatened. Newer situations or being required to perform difficult, unfamiliar or undesirable tasks can equally drive us crazy. The frequency and intensity with which these situations occur and the interpretation we give to them determine the degree to which we consider ourselves being driven crazy. It is important to note that those who drive us crazy might not be doing so intentionally, even when their actions or behaviors do irritate our sore spots. Example: a wife who jokingly compares her husband finances, assets or capabilities to those of her father, brother, the high school sweetheart she almost married, or the husband’s friends is stepping on the sore spot of the husband; hence comparison is known to be a sore spot for men because it challenges their ego and masculinity. For a wife, a husband who jokingly makes negative comments about her looks, or compares her attractiveness to that of his sister, secretary, former girlfriend, or the wife’s friends is stepping on the sore spot of his wife; hence negatively comparing a woman’s attractiveness/looks is a known sore spot for women, and likely to drive them crazy. A boss who compares the performance of a newly hired employee to that of a former one is stepping on the sore spot of the new employee, and when parents constantly remind a teenage son/daughter of how his/her school performance could be as good or better than the neighbor’s kids, they are stepping on the sore spot of the teenager and driving him/her crazy.

Responding to those who drive you crazy:

1. Awareness: Become aware of the “emotional alarm or thermostat” of the person(s) you work, live with or have to associate with. Awareness helps individuals to adjust, or adopt mutually beneficial behaviors.
2. Explore motives: Adult behaviors do have motives; identifying the motive of a given behavior enables individuals to better understand the views of others.
3. Watch out for “sore spots”: Examples: If you work with a boss who likes details, presenting a sketchy report at a meeting becomes a sore spots for the boss, and likely to drive him/her crazy. For a spouse who likes a clean and organized home, dirty clothes, shoes, under-wears dropped carelessly on the floor become a sore spot that drives the other spouse crazy.
4. Speak-up: those who drive you crazy might not be aware of doing so. By respectfully explaining the irritating situation, you create an awareness of a behavior or action than could be modified.
5. Honestly examine yourself: It is good to stand up for what one believes is right, but it is also important to realize that what one believes to be right, could be wrong, hence don’t be too critical of others, give allowance for being wrong too.

By seeing things from others’ perspectives, you and others reduce the chances of driving each other crazy, and also reduce the chances of developing health problems associated with being driven crazy, which include: stress, hypertension, ulcers, heart attacks, allergies, depression and sleep disorders.