Fathering Tips:
by Youmasu J.
Siewe, Ph.D, MPH.
Congratulations if you are not one of those fathers absent from the lives of 27
million children in the country.
Now here are some tips to improve on your challenging but equally
rewarding role of fathering. Using
these tips can improve your child’s educational achievement, decrease
delinquent behaviors and increase his/her love and respect for community and
humanity.
In learning these tips, remember
that there are no rigid formulas to become the “best father”. Each father
must find his own fathering way but make it evolve around love, limit setting
and respecting the dignity of the child. Even with the conveniences of modern
living, fathering or parenting should not be expected to be without efforts or
delegated to agencies, institutions, television sets or electronic gadgets.
Fathers need to be engaged and devote quality time to the fathering task, just as
most do with career and other pursuits in life. The joy derived from successful
fathering is unlike any other in life. It is often the child’s love for his father
or parents that make him/her want to adopt their best traits
Some
suggested fathering tips:
-
Communicate. Take a minimum of 15 minutes from
your day and have a conversation with your child. Ask how his day was
spent, offer to take him for an outing, and take the time to meet and know
your child’s friends
-
Listen. And do so without lecturing or being
judgmental. Nonstop lecturing may alienate your children.
-
Respect their privacy. If your child is older,
allow a little more personal space than her younger siblings. Respect her
time alone or with friends, and make sure she knows that you can always be
available for conversation if she likes having one.
-
Be there. Make a point of attending your child’s
learning and recreational activities (sports games, library-time, school
or church plays, graduation, etc.). It will make your child feel loved,
help him enjoy school and succeed academically, socially and emotionally.
-
Give your children responsibility. As they get
older allow them to make their own choices and make them take
responsibility for the bad ones. For example, you can’t force your son to
study, but you don’t need to blame the school or teacher for giving him a
failing grade.
-
Be fearless. Talk to your older children about
tough issues. Avoiding these discussions may send the message that you
don’t care, and studies show that children, especially teens, are affected
by their fathers’ attitudes toward topics like sex or illicit drug use
-
Be creative. If you can’t have regular
face-to-face contact with your children, support them in other ways. Make
sure that child-support gets paid and don’t miss scheduled visitation
days. If you are divorced or separated from your children’s mother, work
to maintain a friendly relationship with her. Constantly fighting with
your ex-wife may hurt your children emotionally.
Youmasu J. Siewe, Ph.D., MPH, is State Specialist for
Public Health Education, Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service at OSU in