Tips for Healthy Parenting in Divorce
by Youmasu J.
Siewe, Ph.D, MPH.
Divorce and single-parent families have unfortunately become a way of life
in our country, as over 1,000,000 children experience parental divorce
annually. When parental divorce occurs, children innocently become
entangled in a web of conflicts that they may not have contributed to, and
to which they may suffer life-long consequences.
Many children of divorced parents grow up vowing never to repeat the divorce
errors of their parents. Unfortunately current parenting research reveals
that children of divorce parents tend to have marriages that end-up in
divorce, thus maintaining the cycle.
Parents who divorce believe they have done irreversible damage to their
children because of their permanent separation. As true as this may be, the
actual problems that children of divorced parents experience are dependent,
to a large extent, on the situation existing after the divorce. Parents
often have control over many of the after-divorce situations that do affect
their children's adjustment.. Below are some tips that divorced or divorcing
parents can use to help reduce the bad effects of divorce on their children.
Subject the children to as few changes as possible as a result of the
divorce
Avoid using children as allies or enemies in parental ongoing battles.
Do not argue or fight with your ex-spouse in the children's presence
Be consistent with age-appropriate discipline
The children should not be used as messengers in parental communications
Don't use the children as spies. (e.g., questions about whom the other
parent is dating).
Avoid the temptation of putting down the other parent in front of the
children. Note: your ex-spouse (no matter how much anger you feel toward him
or her) is still your children's parent
Try to encourage loving relationship with both parents
Do not burden children with personal fears and concerns
Maintain consistent pattern of frequent visits with the non-custodial
parent
Seek professional help if major problems develop
Youmasu J. Siewe, Ph.D., MPH, is State Specialist for
Public Health Education, Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service at OSU in