Stress: When  Kids and Get on Parents’ Nerves

by Youmasu J. Siewe, Ph.D, MPH.

The following article was published in the Stillwater News Press on Wednesday May 08, 2002.

The pressures of being alive are equally experienced by children, but the outcome of these pressures are significantly influenced by parenting styles and family dynamics. Parents can not  eliminate all the pressure in children’s lives, and should not try either. It is important to know that the same things that stress children can also motivate them to work hard, learn, and be successful. However if parents see signs in children that indicate unhappiness or children feeling bad about themselves, or always getting on parents’ “nerves”, this could be warning signs of stress, and the following are suggestions to help reduce the stresses that can never be completely eliminated in children’s lives:

(1). Be an involved parent. When children see parents involved, they interpret the involvement as love and concern for them. Just knowing that parents are available to talk to them and provide a safe and secure home is a natural stress reducer for children.

(2). Show children how to relax. Children learn best from what they see; unfortunately most parents never relax, and tend to go-on rushing, yelling and complaining all day, until the children are in bed at night. When children never see parents relax, they never learn to relax themselves. Let your child see you listening to music, reading, gardening or exercising, and they too will learn that taking time out is important, even when you have a million things to do.

(3). Talk about the child’s day. Ask your child specific questions.  Do not only ask about particular subjects discussed in class, but who he/she ate lunch with, or who he saw at the playground. Peer pressure is top stressors for many children. Asking questions about their social lives may help you determine if they are having trouble fitting in.

(4). Have some fun with your child/children every day. This could mean playing a game of cards, basketball, going out for a walk, building with blocks, or just do whatever your child likes for at least 15 minutes every day, and this relaxes them like magic.

(5). Block out "free time" daily. This is just as important as the piano lessons, baseball, soccer or other sport practices that parents delight in shuttling their children to.

(6). Maintain a routine as much as possible. Regular family mealtimes, bedtimes, and other scheduled parts of the child’s day give them a comforting sense of order and security. 

(7) Be flexible and tolerant: children may need to be loud and obnoxious for a few moments every day, and they should be given the opportunity to do so. For many children, the only way to burn adrenaline, release steam is to run around or just shout.

 (8). Praise Children for good behaviors.  Parents are often quick to point out when children misbehave, but rarely praise them for good behaviors or deeds.

(9). If you think your child is stressed, try to identify the source of the stress and help him/her deal with it. For example, if a student who sits next to your daughter bullies, teases or calls her names, ask the teacher what you can do together to improve the situation.

(10). Family illness, death, or divorce is among the most upsetting events for children, and they may not be able to handle them alone.

(11) Usually-happy children who exhibit very obvious stress symptoms for more than five days may need professional help. If your child appears withdrawn, very angry, depressed, or otherwise does not like herself/himself, see your health care provider to rule out physical problems and get a referral to see a therapist. Parents may also need professional help, to help them help their children.

(12). Whether your child suffers from the occasional pressures of day-to-day living or experiences serious stress, you are his/her best support. Keep in tune with your child’s moods, and show how much you enjoy being with him/her through your actions. The little things like laughter and love that are provided to children are great stress reducers, health-enhancers and the best medicine for their growth and development.