QUESTIONS PARENTS ASK ABOUT 4-YEAR-OLDS

1. My four-year-old has begun to stutter. What can I do to help him?

It is not unusual for children this age to at times stutter when they want to talk quickly. Exciting events such as holidays can cause some children to stutter, too. Stuttering is usually short-lived. When stuttering causes children to stop talking, or appears to increase, it could mean that the child is feeling anxious about something. This is when a parent needs to think about what is happening in a child's life and reassure the child [ ie: moving to a new home, divorce, death of a friend, or entering day care]. Reassurance can be holding, hugging, or telling a child that "We will work on this together."

2. My child is afraid to leave me when I have a sitter come to the house. Is there something wrong?

It could be that four-year-olds would prefer to have you stay home or wants to go out with you. This is a fine compliment, but it is not always possible. Follow a consistent pattern with your child: tell your child about an hour or two before the sitter arrives why you need to be gone, talk about special activities/games that the sitter can play, and discuss when you will be back at home. When the sitter arrives, say good-bye, tell the sitter how you can be reached, and talk about snacks and activities that might have been planned, and then leave. After returning home, spend time talking about what your child did with the sitter - make that time seem special to you!

3. My child seems to ignore me when I talk to her. Is she having a hearing problem?

Most often, when children don't seem to hear parents, they are busy thinking about their play activities. Be sure to have your child's attention before talking. Do this by calling her name, touching her shoulder, or getting down to her eye level (kneeling down works!). Sometimes too much noise in a room makes it difficult to focus on one voice. At other times, a child will block out shouting voices. In these cases, lower or turn off the radio/television, or lower the volume of your voice so that the child has to listen to words, not noise. If you are still not having success, try this: In a quiet room, approach your child quietly, sit beside him/her, and without being noticed, snap your fingers or whisper behind their head. Try this several times during a day. Should your child show no response, have him/her examined by a doctor.

4. My child always wants to be the first one to go outside, have juice, or make a choice. What's wrong with her, why can't she let others be first?

It is difficult for four-year-olds to NOT want to be the first. Learning to cooperate and take turns is a social skill that is still developing. In time, learning that there is a time for others to have a turn or try a task first will develop. Even as children grow older, there will be times when they will want to be the first to complete a task or receive a compliment. The social skills that are developing during a child's fourth year will soon allow her to see that other children can be first, and that's all right! Suggestion: When you notice that your child has allowed another child to choose first, thank her for her behavior. Reinforce her for the behavior you are hoping to encourage in her.

5. My child lies. I saw him break a plate and he turned to me and said he didn't do it. Why is he lying?

Many preschoolers will lie to protect themselves. Although you may not intend to severely reprimand him, he may think his behavior was wrong and you will be very upset. Your son may have heard another child talk about breaking something and being sent to his room for the rest of the day. Whatever your son is thinking may be difficult to figure out BUT do talk with him calmly. Talk about him helping you to sweep up the pieces, you have other plates, accidents happen to everyone, and/or when something breaks you appreciate being told. Thank him for helping you. Encourage him to be truthful at other times by saying "Yes, that's how it happened." or "I am pleased when you tell me about these things."